Messing With Raphael
by Angel-SUPREME
Summary: Spending one ENTIRE day with Raphael. Warning, contains humorous mentions of slash, that means...ah, you'll find out.
1. Your Boot is on fire

With Raphael, there are a lot of things I can't say around him, things that are almost kinda related to Vampires, like 'You suck' or 'Bite me'. Not only was he a Vampire, not only did he do both of those things, but he had a _sword_.

-And yes let me just say now he is totally hot.

Not just any sword, one of those itsy little swords that reminded me of a needle. Needles were on the list of things I was most terrified of, right next to being stabbed by them, and underneath spiders and the guy from the 21st Century Insurance commercials. (And shark Santa). So I watched from a distance as he swung it around like it weighed nothing, like it did. Eating a strudel and a bag of chips. God forbid the thing slip from his hands and fly towards me.

At the thought, my imaginary cat Fluffy scuttered off. I sneezed, even though I wasn't allergic to _imaginary _cats.

Raphael paused and immediately glared in my direction. Apparently I had interrupted his little dance, oh gee, my fault. But I continued on eating my chips, then realized there hadn't been any dialogue.

"Say, Raph. I just thought of something...you and Siegfried..."

"Don't call me 'Raph'." _Swish_. (that was his sword) "...And what are you getting at?"

I shrugged nonchalantly.

"Oh, just that time he visited you. Y'know, the day he probably told you a whole buncha stuff about how awful I was to burden him? Don't say you don't remember because that's probably the day you two-" A bird flies by and caws. (Curse you, Tira).

He dropped his sword and it caused a spark against the stone ground. We were at his castle, in case you didn't know. The spark caught onto his boot, yet he didn't notice, simply looking at me like 'Holy crap what do I do now..?'. When I knew about something, there was no way that it would simply stay with me...unless you count Raphael's boot being on fire, I wasn't gonna tell him that.

"Wh-what? You didn't...I never did that."

"Liar liar boot's on fire."

"What?"

He actually looked down to his boot, then panicked. I proceeded to poke fun at him.

"You two were doing naughty things, I know 'cause I saw. And Nightmare too, just so you know."

Raphael was stomping his boot frantically by now, trying to put it out, until he did the logical thing. Taking the boot off and flinging it over the side of the castle wall. There was the sound of someone getting hit, then yelling _'OH MY GOD WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?'. _

That was to be explained in a later arc.

When he was done with his boot, Raphael looked to me, all tired and hot-looking. (Like, just coming out of the shower hot). He moved the hair from his face, then stood up straight and collected-looking. After _that_, he looked back to me.

"I can honestly say that I haven't the slightest clue as to what you are speaking of. So we will drop the subject."

"Why? Does it get you..." I snickered. "_Hot_?"

He punched me. Yes, a chick.

I rubbed where his fist had made contact. "Alright yeah maybe it was a lame joke. But _hitting_? You're such a chick."

...

I chuckled.

"And you know what rhymes with 'chick'? You should."

He picked his sword back up and held it near my neck.

"Don't. You. Dare."

"What...?...I was going to say, 'tick'. 'Tick' rhymes with 'chick'. And...that's funny, because ticks suck blood and you're a Vampire, so you do too..."

He had to pause for a moment, then dropped his sword again. You can imagine what that lead to, and going inside for a new pair of boots that were fire retardant, he called out.

"Wanna go out for anything?"

I agreed, only hearing the 'Wanna go out' part. Heck yeah.


	2. Added Friends, The theory of relativity

'McDonald's was totally out, of course. I informed Raphael as to why, telling him that there was a psycho chick there that said she would set my hair on fire if I stepped foot on the restaurant. Raphael almost went in anyway, but I beat the thought out of him...in rock paper scissors. Me fighting Raphael is like...an ant verses Mecha Godzilla.'

'Raphael brought up Burger King, another place I had a love-hate relationship with-'

"What's with you narrating everything?"

'He snapped me from my thoughts, and I realized that I'd been saying everything aloud this whole time.'

"And you still are..."

'Raphael gave me a look, and then, a moment of silence...'

"...Let's go find Siegfried." I said.

"Why? Didn't you lock him up somewhere?"

"If I did, as his lover, would you go and rescue him?"

"Don't call me that."

'I knew that on the inside, Raphael was simply insecu-'

He punched me.

"Quit saying things out loud! I swear I'll take you back to the castle and lock you up!"

"Bow chicka wow wow." I teased, but he gave me the most serious look I'd seen all day.

It was quite hot.

We were walking so long that we were almost lost. And not the kind of lost where you just happen to come across Raphael's house somewhere in the woods. The kind of lost where you go and call your close friend and start crying because you don't want to call your mother and prove her right. The only difference was that it wasn't dark outside.

I could tell that Raphael was feeling akward in the stretched out silence. So I kicked him in the shin.

"How come you didn't notice my cool emo-boy haircut?"

"Why do you have a _boy _haircut if you're a _girl_?"

"SHUT-UP IT'S UNISEX. I look like that cool foreign boy that everyone's too afraid to approach because of his high level of cool-ness."

"You put way too much thought into that theory."

"Did you notice that Wafflehouse was on fire?"

We both turned to see a Wafflehouse (because they were pretty much _everywhere_) that was very much flaming. Not like, Johnny Depp flaming, but literally on fire. We did not feel the impulse to suddenly spring into action, the smell of burning waffles can sedate almost anyone. Instead, we continued our destination-lacking walk.

At some point, we came across Kilik and-Xiaoyu-_Xianghua_. Kilik was listening dilligently as she explained the theory of relativity, each word springing back off of his head like a kangaroo with restless leg syndrome. I gave him a welcoming punch in the stomach, and he almost seemed greatful that he didn't have to pretend to understand what she was talking about anymore.

"Hello friend!" He smiled in my general direction (you can never get things right with your eyes closed) then glared at Raphael. "Hello other person."

"Dude be chill, let's get along." I said, standing akimbo.

Then I had a realization attack.

"KILIK! YOUR NAME BACKWARDS IS KILIK!"

You wouldn't imagine how shocked I was. So shocked, in fact, that I wrote it on a piece of clear tape in marker and put it on Kilik's forehead. I knew I'd have to mention this again later. Oh boy, I couldn't wait for later.

Xianghua, who was gathering dust in the unmentioned corner, finally put her own ray of light into our bright conversation.

"S-so, I finally learned how to use a cellphone yesterday, and-"

"_That's _what I forgot to do yesterday! I was going to go get a new cellphone!" I yelled.

Raphael and Kilik gave me a look, and Xianghua floated back to her corner.

Afterward, we went off to find my cellphone.


End file.
